THE HITMAN’S WIFE’S BODYGUARD: Fast, Furious and Fumbling

There’s a whole lot of loud going on in The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, as though it’s in a competition to drown out the bigger action picture one screen over. There are several scenes where Salma Hayek starts spewing profanity with mashed words that feel more like a maniacal mad lib. Similar to Hayek’s many rants, the parts where you can actually discern what’s going on are pretty funny in the film’s own scattershot ways of throwing everything possible at the screen.

Together Again

As the sequel to 2017’s The Hitman’s Bodyguard, the next adventure for this trifecta of anti-heroes finds them at their most odd of transitions. Bodyguard Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) once again finds himself with low self-esteem for being seen as the loser of his profession. Deciding he needs to find himself, Michael decides to take a break from the violence, a prospect that every action buddy comedy has taught us will be a temporary divergence.

It isn’t long before Michael finds himself running into his eccentric rival of hitman Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson), now reunited with his now-wife Sonia (Salma Hayek). The couple is currently on rocky ground for a honeymoon that doesn’t go according to plan and concerns about their future as a couple. Of course, this bickering comes about amid explosive exchanges with dangerous folks who want them dead.

Their dynamic is established pretty early for the rest of the film, where all three actors pretty much play to their strengths, at least from an improvisational state. Reynolds makes his usual snarky commentary, Jackson goes for the quirky cackles, and Hayek grits her teeth to be the loudest voice in the room and the most violent woman in the picture. Their dynamic is weird in that there’s rarely love and mostly mean-spirited ribbings, keeping that opposites attract angle to be one of the more exaggerated of buddy action pictures.

Basic Bond Staging

The plot that the trio finds themselves in is a pretty bland spy thriller. Antonio Banderas plays a villain with a memorable name, Aristotle Papadopolous, and a forgettable plan. As a mafia kingpin, Aristotle plans to get revenge for Greece by opposing the EU and hacking into their energy grid. He uses his wealth of riches and power to attain a special drill that will allow him to hack an entire continent. So, you know, standard James Bond villain antics.

It becomes clear with the lacking backstory and motivations of Banderas that he’s more of a platform for action than a truly compelling bad guy to foil. He’s also a reluctant antagonist in the way that none of the three leads have much beef with him. There’s a minor relation but it’s so outside of the bigger concerns the characters have for themselves.

The only reason Michael, Darius, and Sony even get involved with tracking this bland and boring villain across his mansions and yachts is because they’re forced into this scenario. The c*cky Interpol agent Bobby O’Neill (Frank Grillo) needs to bust Aristotle and figures the only three tough enough for the job are some bickering anti-heroes he can kidnap with ease. Grillo gives his usual snide performance of looking down on everything in Europe and chewing out his chosen loose cannons. So, you know, standard police chief stuff.

Rampaging Ridiculousness

There’s so much going on in this film in its many attempts to find avenues of the absurd. Sometimes there’s an explosive chase of over-the-top violence and other times there’s just lots of riffing. While not all of it works, every now and then there’s something that manages to generate a laugh.

There’s something darkly amusing about how Michael’s traumatic childhood creates this odd aversion to gelato. Darius and Sonia trying to have a honeymoon amid a mission, oftentimes forgetting about the mission entirely, is a premise that is ripe for comedy that only gets air now and then. There’s also a decent reveal of Morgan Freeman’s role in all of this, though Reynolds really rams the joke into the ground early.

Some of the action has its moments. One of the best bits features Michael and Darius being surrounded on the villain’s yacht by hitmen on hovercraft, only to be unimpressed by the impracticality of such staging. There’s a brilliance to such a play on the usual action formula that it’s a bit disheartening there’s not more of this cleverness.

In a move that is sure to draw easy comparisons to Fast & Furious, the central theme of the film toys with the idea of family in rather odd ways. Sometimes it’s genuine when Darius and Sonia speak quite frankly amid bullets about the possibility of becoming parents. Sometimes it’s hilarious as with the reveal of Michael’s adoptive father and his weirdly dark past. And sometimes it’s just a fusion of both, as with the final twist of the film which is sure to generate an even more confusing title for the next film.

Foolish Floundering

One scene I can’t stop thinking about is the shortest performance by Richard E. Grant. He plays a former client of Michael who is meant to reveal his identity during a covert club mission. However, because it’s Richard E. Grant, he takes a lot of glee for playing a drunk club patron who less than a minute of screen time. Nothing all much fun comes from his inclusion outside of just watching Grant ham up a quick and thankless role.

That being said, it always felt like the key characters were all stuck into boxes. Reynolds is great when he gets to use that snarkiness but he spends most of the film being ruthlessly mocked, beaten, betrayed, and drugged by everybody. Jackson feels as though he’s mostly just there for the giddy audience surrogate reaction and profanity slinger. Hayek does her best trying to wrestle the wheel in this picture by being one of the most savage character characters, whether the bullets literal or verbal.

The overblown action is still just as much of a treat as it was in the previous film. The many chases of cars and boats are exciting and staged in such a way that it should be no surprise a boat goes flying into a barge of gas drums that explodes into a fireball. Yet there always felt like there was something missing from these moments. Maybe it was an extra superlative from Jackson or a knowing jab at the absurdness of the many situations but far too often the film feels like it’s playing to convention rather than subverting it for more humor.

Conclusion: The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard

This sequel constantly kicks itself to see if there’s any gas left and it just happens to have enough for an exhilarating and giddy joyride. Not much is improved upon in the sequel and it honestly feels like the film is running out of funny stuff to toss into its action as the film winds down with its wildness. Yet there’s still some admiration in how the film constantly tries to launch everything that it can. The few times that it sticks, this picture becomes the popcorn pleaser it was meant to be rather than the standard buddy action flick of Reynolds and Jackson once more goofing it up with a Hayek chaser.

Did you see The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard? Was it better than the original film? Is it worth seeing in the theaters this summer? Let us know in the comments below.

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard arrives in theaters June 16, 2021

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